MY GOD! I have not updated in quite awhile!

Gee am I ashamed!

Ohhh, *Knocking head* shame, shame, shame.

The two fics I'm working on keep gettin halted!...Mostly by me >_>.

ARRGGGG, darn it brain! Work!! *Hitting head*

Oh me gods.

This is like one of the best "Coincidence" presents that just happen on coinkidink.

Trent Reznor(I am a uber huge fan of Nine Inch Nails, I've been raised on his music.) just came out with his new album and it's free.

FREE people.

That man is AMAZING. (And even if it wasn't free, I'd still think he's a god.)

And it was my birthday a few hours ago.

How wonderful is THAT!

YEAH!!! I chugged another one shot out!!! After an all nighter, obsessing every detail, every text and obsessing more. I'm satisfied with how it turned out. Check it out and tell me what ya think . Umm, I don't know how to make a link but it's my newest deviation(to the left of the screen). Leave a comment plz! Me LURV comments ^^!

P.S. *Whispering* Of all and everything I've written so far, It's mostly about Drakengard...Just to tell yee .

I wish my sadomasochist side wasn't so close to my reading demons. Although not too sexual in a sense.

Ya see I have found a new fan fiction fandom to delve in.

This is good news and bad news.

Good because, dear god do I love reading. It gives me such joy and happiness that I don't know what I would do without it. This love and pleasure I have in just reading a good story is so god givenly beautiful in it's simplicity and complexity that it makes me want to kinda wanna cry now.

But, due to my hopeless love of reading, this is where the bad news takes place(or the bad side of this love). When I read, I concentrate everything I have on it. The need for food, concern for other people, worry over problems become blurry to me. The story's world becomes my world in a faint but wonderful way. I don't want to eat, I start to not care about my hygiene(yeah I know, eww, I can't help it), I don't want to sleep even when I KNOW I've strayed far too long from sleepy land. I don't want to stop even though I know that my eyes feel like needles are stabbing them(I know this pain well enough that it occurs from no rest and fatigue).

I just don't want to waste a second not reading a story that has me willingly captured. These human needs and realistic problems are nothing but a nuisance to me until I finish the story.

It's been like this for me since I was first introduced to the wonderful world of books.

This has undoubtedly caused problems for me and those around me.

Already these past two days, I have been doing NOTHING but reading fan fictions. Oh god, I remember the first time I found Fan Fiction. I read the Buffy the Vampire Slayer fics first.

I. DID. NOTHING. BUT. READ.

JUST THINK!!!

Allllll Those STORIES!!! *wistful*

I was stuck at this computer reading, reading, reading. It's all I wanted to do.

But soon, sadly. The stories from the fandom soon began to become too similar. The characters were used too much in the same fashion. It was like a desert because everything was the same in my eyes.

It wasn't that I was tired of reading, it was that nothing caught my interest anymore.

So I took a break.

Until I became interested in the other fan fiction sections.

The Drakengard fan fictions. The X-Men Fan Fics. The Labyrinth fictions. The Danny Phantom fics.

Presently, I'm in more in control of myself. Lol, kinda.

But that control isn't uber strong. I just thank the gods that I do have SOME control. Because I found the Harry Potter fan fics recently. THAT has a HUGE fan fic collection.

I just got done reading 173,929 worth of words in the Harry Potter section(officially). I didn't even count the other fan fics I skimmed over and the other fan fics I watch.

Right now, it's 3:47 AM at night. I KNOW I need to do other stuff right now. Take a shower, get some sleep, be ready for tomorrow in case I'm needed as back up for taking care of me grand mum. But all I want to do right now is get back to the fan fic I was reading. I only stopped reading to write this update. It's selfish, it's so selfish. I do care about what the outcome my actions of reading this late have. I care enough that soon, I'll go take a shower and get to bed.

But the part of me. The one that is utterly addicted to reading just doesn't care. It's callous and utterly self-serving. And it influences my actions ALOT.

But I can't seem to stop myself.

You must think me stupid I'm sure. I don't like it that I'm this selfish. I'm too spoiled. I soooo know that. My best buddy and Big sis have confirmed it. Even I have too!

I think sometime in the future I'll learn.

But I know that those little bouts of happiness that I got from reading late at night. Right on a school night in my past. Right on the eve of a big test or event. They were worth it.

Even when something bad happens due to my negligence of reality and my fixed attention to a story. I find comfort in books. The smell of books, the feel of paper. The bright computer screen feeding me words. It makes me happy. So much so that I don't regret suffering myself over it. I don't regret not reading the story right then and there. Even though I could've restrained myself from reading and read another time. Even though I KNOW I could've avoided so many bad consequences that were not in my favor.

I have never regretted what my love of reading has cost me.

I wonder if what I said makes any sense to whoever is reading this? Lol.

The Demon cows are at it again.

Ya see, it all started when I went to Farmington recently with me family(it's in New Mexico...I think...) and there, I got a book.

A Book Book.

A real life BOOK *drool*...(Explanation: Due to everyone being busy, me helping me family ta take care of me grandmum, my family being strapped for cash and me not knowing how to drive...Yes, I don't know how to drive...There hasn't been much time for me to get ANY books, thank god I have Fan Fiction or I might have done something...INsAnE O_o)

*Ahem* Anywho, usually when I get a book and start reading it, I don't stop. I hate to go to the bathroom, eat, sleep, ANYTHING that bothers or interrupts me while I read. In the same day I got the book, I stayed up all night reading da book, I got quite nostalgic.

See, during da summer/spring. My family got into a real crazy cleaning streak. We got the walls re-painted, the floors re-tiled and we even hired help. We have crap, ALOT of crap lying around. My family tends to keep stuff. So to move da stuff to do all the re-stuff, we bagged and hauled the crap outside. Lazyness also runs in me family so as of right now, most of those bags are still out there. And in one of those bags is me books and I have a pretty big collection of books people. I just LOVE to read.

My nostalgia finally promped me to find me books because before the big cleaning spree, I kept my books near me all ALL TIMES. Just so I could re-read them(if the mood struck me), so they could be near me. They were a comfort. A yummy paper hugging comfort.

Two days ago, right when it was sunset. I set out to find my books in the backyard with the forest of black contractor bags.

I found them.

In the third bag I looked in...

Most of them were ok...

But.

The box at the bottom of the bag with most of MY BOOKS...was kinda squishy...moist and moldy.

Immediately I tore the box of horror out of the incompetent bag and ripped it open.

FIVE(and some) BOOKS WERE RUINED...MY BOOKS!!!! THEY WERE HARDBACKS...DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH HARDBACKS COST?!?!?! OVER 100 BUCKEROONIES DOWN DA DRAIN...

I was heartbroken.

Why didn't I look for them earlier??

Why didn't I stubbornly keep them with me like I wanted to in the 1st place???

It was HORRIBLE!! My beauties!!! My beautiful books!! they were soggy, with black mold on them, all were warped...

I loved these books, They were apart of me favorite series...

I shall miss them*sobbing*...